The Shaft

  • My first impression was that this tiny story must have been written in a hurry because the occasional word was left out.

    Hudson crawled through the air shaft,desperatly trying to find a way out. His flame thrower was almost empty and his pulse rifle was useless. The driped down off of his face.

    But then half the plot suddenly went Missing In Action.

    Hudson scrambled to his feet. He and Ripley ran from the cavern. After many confrontations, they finally made it to the ship.

    As the author hasn't seen fit to let us in on all the exciting action and drama, we're left to our own devices. I spent the time wisely by pondering why all the dialogue had been written in script form. But at least I figured out where the title came from. The Shaft is exactly what I got reading this odd little story.


    4 Survivors of Aliens  by Timothy Hokinson

    I've seen grammatical errors aplenty in fan fiction, but this story's construction is just down rightweird. Standard, recognizable sentences are few and far between. Instead, the author expects us to make sense of paragraphs that consist completely of run on sentences and vast lists of various characters' actions, separated by commas.

    The Caucasian Salvage technician wore black sunglasses and a mouth covering air filter mask with two valves on the side, he removed his sunglasses, removing the mouth mask, was rather more unwise, but he did and with his left hand holding a clipboard, with his right hand, he took from his left chest shirt pocket, a microphone and ear piece, head set radio. Briefly he looked around the room he looked for anything he could quickly steal, he saw a pen marked SULACCO, looked around once again, sneakily and put in his pocket, then he put on his head a small microphone, ear piece head set. With his clipboard he started giving orders,

    I'll admit that I never did finish reading this migraine-inducing story. Even the dialogue formatting followed no known rules, wildly switching between script format and third person narrative with no rhyme, reason, or warning.

    Salvage Technician Blake:- 
    "Right we don't have much time so let's take what we need and junk the rest. Rix you take the aft section remove the cladding and shields..."

    "Dalton, I want the computer systems," continued the Salvage Technician giving finger pointed directions. "I think we will get a good market price on the programs and data. Ah yes, Zack go to the Reactor room, secure and remove the nuclear piles..."

    And then every rule of the English language was broken simultaneously, and my mind shut down to protect what was left of my psyche. I don't even have any recollection of writing this review, although I may use it in lieu of a formal letter of resignation from the Godawful Team.

    The Salvage Technician, Blake, enthused spoke harshly to the Synthetic Knight said, 
    Blake, "OK, if it offends your sensibilities, I am sorry, now get off your high-horse and give me the Exterior Status."

    Knight responded amused retributive entrenchment, 
    Knight, "C.O.P.S Patrol Ship Saratoga has docked and Officer Lymangood is on his way to you."

    Blake, "Shit...!" 
    Blake paused a moment... 
    Blake, "Knight you Bastard."

    Knight, "That is correct..." 
    Agreed Knight with a smile, humorously continuing, 
    Knight, "I didn't have a father, funny enough I didn't have a mother too."

    Blake, "And I bet SHIT...!" Blake replied satirically mocking Knight, followed by...

    Blake, "Is an extraordinary concept too you as well!?!"